I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
