i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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