I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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