so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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