I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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