I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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