yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
