Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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