I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
