Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
