its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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