Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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