im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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