I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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