Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i came on her dog
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
