honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
