You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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