I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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