so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
