im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
