no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize