I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
