thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
