I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
