i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
