The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
