so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
