Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Non-Jews are for practice
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
