Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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