Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
