she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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