Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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