Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
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