one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
