Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
