It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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