thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
