he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
