i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
