I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
