I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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