where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
