Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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