he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
