I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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