dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize