soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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