i love accidental penises.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
