Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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