Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
