she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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