hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
