you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
