I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize