just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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