Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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