I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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