wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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