Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
