It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
