Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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