You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
