your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
