Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
