Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
