seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
