arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
