i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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