Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
