i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
