did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
