Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
