woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
